What I love most about the sky is its honesty. It doesn’t hide the way it feels or where it is in its life. It would be best if I were more like it. So often I hide the way I feel to protect something held together by parchment paper and fragile string. I have learned that being unhappy is nothing to hide especially when something can be done about it. I don’t want to sit back with a closed mouth, broken and hurting just knowing that what I am fighting so hard to keep alive is destined to die.
There is a time to work things out and a time to leave them to fade away.
It’s especially hard to let things fade when a person is involved. Memories haunt the mind with once held smiles and promises that have to be thrown away with possibility. That seems to be the first grieving stage. The sad thing is that I went through that stage months ago and now I’m completely numb. I can tell no difference between closeness and apart. They both feel the same. There is no difference between together and alone. I felt lonely either way.
I suppose what scares me most is that maybe I’ll be numb forever. What a horrible way to live life. But I suppose throughout this whole process if I had let myself get too involved and opened up too much I would have been broken in the end. I was constantly shielding and running across what seemed to be enemy lines in the fog and cold air.
But I can’t tell which would be the worse fate: numbness or brokenness.
Loads of Love,