Open

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What I love most about the sky is its honesty. It doesn’t hide the way it feels or where it is in its life. It would be best if I were more like it. So often I hide the way I feel to protect something held together by parchment paper and fragile string. I have learned that being unhappy is nothing to hide especially when something can be done about it. I don’t want to sit back with a closed mouth, broken and hurting just knowing that what I am fighting so hard to keep alive is destined to die.

There is a time to work things out and a time to leave them to fade away.

It’s especially hard to let things fade when a person is involved. Memories haunt the mind with once held smiles and promises that have to be thrown away with possibility. That seems to be the first grieving stage. The sad thing is that I went through that stage months ago and now I’m completely numb. I can tell no difference between closeness and apart. They both feel the same. There is no difference between together and alone. I felt lonely either way.

I suppose what scares me most is that maybe I’ll be numb forever. What a horrible way to live life. But I suppose throughout this whole process if I had let myself get too involved and opened up too much I would have been broken in the end. I was constantly shielding and running across what seemed to be enemy lines in the fog and cold air.

But I can’t tell which would be the worse fate: numbness or brokenness.

Be open.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

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3 thoughts on “Open

  1. Being open is hard. It hurts. It makes you feel vulnerable. It makes you worry about being attacked or misunderstood or unaccepted. What if they don’t like this aspect of me? What if suddenly I become a terrible person to them because I was open and admitted to something. Something I’ve never told anyone else?

    It takes a lot of strength and inner conviction to be open to another person. I know I’m guilty of running away, hiding, omitting the truth, and sometimes flat out lying. “Yeah, I’m fine. Promise.” Even though on the inside I’m slowing bleeding out.

    It’s not fair to the other person to be like that. Half present, guarded, and scared.

    It’s not fair to you to be worried about being your true self.

    Be unapologetically yourself. Love yourself, no matter what. Make the choices you feel will make you happy and let the opinions of others wash off of you like water. As long as you love yourself then you’ll never truly be alone.

    I know all of that is easier said (typed) than done. It’s something I’m still working on myself. But when it gets hard and you start feeling down, just remember, you’re perfect the way you are, and nothing anyone else says or thinks can change that.

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