I’ve noticed that several people have been curious about the INFJ Door Slam. I wasn’t aware this action was specific to INFJs. I thought everyone did it. But I guess you learn something new every day, right?
So I thought I would write about my current experience with the INFJ Door Slam. I’ve only had to do it a handful of times. I don’t particularly take joy in doing it. Actually, it’s quite a painful process for me because that person probably meant the world to me. I can’t speak for all INFJs, but when I slam the door on someone I try to forget about it as much as I can.
I usually door slam for two reasons:
1. A person has severely hurt someone I love or myself and there is no use in continuing the relationship due to a lack of human sympathy or conscience from the other party.
2. Someone has continued to push me out of their life and I feel I can no longer connect to that person because they have built a wall between us.
If it is for the first reason I can honestly say it’s not so hard. Do I necessarily hate that person? I suppose not. If it’s for the second reason it literally rips my insides out. I don’t feel like myself for a few days and I never forget it.
Let’s look at the first reason for a minute. I tend to respond faster if someone is hurting someone I love than if I am being hurt. For some reason I have a metaphorical line that someone would have to cross before I do something about it. But once you cross that line, you are dead to me. Keep in mind this is only if someone has repeatedly hurt me and is doing it with the sole intent of wounding me. Again, I can’t speak for all INFJs, but I know that I tend to be more on the quite, meek side. I know that when people see me they think they can easily take advantage of me.
What those people fail to understand is that beneath that “sweet, naïve” exterior is a temper that can wreak havoc if necessary. Once I break down, there is no going back. I inflict pain in any and every way I can. I can only think of a few times this has ever happened. I try not to get to this point because it exhausts me physically, mentally and especially emotionally. I prefer to just cut the person off completely and go on. There are hardly any emotional ties that make me want to stay. Only lots of anger and disdain.
The second reason is slightly harder. If I get to know someone better and once I establish a connection with them, it never leaves. I can’t just destroy that because I want to. However, if I feel as if I am being belittled or ignored in the relationship I will head to the door. This has happened to me very recently. As in yesterday.
For the past few months I have been talking to someone and getting to know them. This person, I believe is an ESFP. (Weird combo, huh?) Well, long story short, I was investing more than the other party was. I asked questions, supported, and helped said person but I didn’t get much of anything in return. It’s as if no matter what I did for them I was always pushed in the background. I will take this for so long, and yesterday was the straw that broke this camel’s weary back. I tried to reach out to this person after days of no communication.
They ignored me. Three strikes, you’re out, kiddo. I am done. Do I hate this person? Absolutely not. But they have things they need to work out in their life before we could ever have a meaningful relationship. I feel for this person because they have a pretty messed up life to be frank. So I guess the brush off was a blessing in disguise because I would most likely have drowned trying to save them.
Would I have been willing to help them? Of course. I stayed up for hours talking, asking questions and reassuring this person. But apparently something else caught their wavering eye. And that’s okay. Life’s too short to be anything but happy, right? Now that I’ve moved on and closed the door I can finally live. I don’t have to constantly reevaluate where I stand in the relationship. I can do my own thing without babysitting. This is freedom and it’s all mine!
This doesn’t mean that I’ll never be there for that person, but it does mean that I will consider my needs before theirs. (And to be honest, if they would only be good to themselves they would be much happier too.) So I guess in this instance, I quietly closed the door instead of slamming it.
I hope this post has answered any questions you may have had. This is just my experiences and how I feel at the moment. Again, this is not an INFJ overgeneralization post, just personal experience.
Have a fantastic day and stay ever so amazing!
Loads of Love,