If you’re reading this post, congratulations! I am assuming an INFJ lady has caught your eye and you are looking for some tips to make your relationship better. Kudos to you. You’re doing research about her type which means you probably really care about her. How sweet of you! An effort to understand an INFJ will result in trust and love from the INFJ. That and loads of fuzzy cuddly feelings. And who doesn’t love those?
Back to the topic, I have constructed a small list of things that you need to know about loving an INFJ lady. Please note that these are just general observations and my own experiences. Even though two people share the same personality type doesn’t mean they are clones. Just a general warning before we get into it.
So without further ado, let’s get down to business.
1. Trust and safety are essential- This can be applied to any woman, but INFJs take it to a whole other level. By trust and safety I mean being able to be completely at ease with you as a person. The INFJ woman’s intuition is her life. You’ve heard of “Mother’s Intuition”? Well, INFJ women have that times ten. I can pick out which guys are true creeps and which are diamonds in the rough. On a side note, chances are if your INFJ has already agreed to hang out with you or talks to you on a regular basis, she probably doesn’t think you are a serial killer. If she did, she wouldn’t be there.
To be honest for the most part I feel as though I constantly have to watch after myself. I always have my shield up to avoid getting hurt. I’ve been around a few guys that I feel I could truly let down my guard. That feeling is euphoria. Feeling safe around a guy makes him ten million times more attractive to me. I begin to feel like he’s going to be there for me. I feel I don’t have to fight anything anymore. He’s there. He will keep me safe. I can finally live in the moment because my worries are gone. It’s so liberating.
2. Honesty is a must- So you might be wondering how you can achieve a level of trust with an INFJ. The answer is honesty. Be open about who you are without any consequences. What I mean is when a curious INFJ asks questions about you (which is a big deal, because puts us out of our comfort zone) don’t rebuke her if she wants to know something. Have you ever been around someone who just cuts you off after you put yourself out there? Yeah. It just hurts. And INFJs are extremely sensitive which just adds to the humiliation.
If she asks questions, she truly wants to get to know you. Believe me, she’s already gathered information from the way you treated the waiter, how you reacted in traffic, and how you looked at her when you saw her in her new dress. She is a sponge at this point. Don’t let this intimidate you or lie about who you really are. Just be unapologetically you. Honesty will take you past several layers of the INFJ and it encourages her to reveal more things about herself that other dates probably haven’t had the opportunity to see. And by the way, the way you sweet talk your dog or how you visit your mom every weekend and cook with her will be very endearing. INFJs love quirks because we are quirky people. Go ahead, kid. Let it all out.
3. Don’t give up- This is probably the most essential point of the list. Remember all those outgoing, partying, cheerleading types of girls? Forget all of that. An INFJ doesn’t care for superficial things which means most people don’t care to get to know them. This causes the INFJ to sink deeper in themselves. If she looks wrapped up in her own thoughts it’s because she is. Why? Because for years they have been her only true friends. Once she starts letting you in it will be gradual. Why? Because she’s not used to someone truly wanting to know how she feels and what she’s thinking. She may have difficulty putting it in words, but just give her a moment to gather her thoughts. Some days she won’t feel as open. Don’t worry; it’s nothing you have done. Some day’s she will want to cry and let it all out. Just be there. Some days she’ll hate how “weird” and “dysfunctional” the world thinks she is. Be her friend. Sometimes the listener needs to be listened to. Some days she will draw away from you in her own little corner. But don’t worry. She’ll be back.
Once an INFJ loves you, she won’t stop. You are literally ingrained in her heart. She won’t leave you even if you take her down. She is the definition of unconditional love. Just hold on. Don’t give up. It is hard to say goodbye to someone who won’t leave, if you know what I mean.
I hope that list helps someone out there. If you take away one thing from this post, I hope it is “Don’t Give Up.” This not only applies to loving an INFJ, but everything else in life. Just don’t give up. The world already has too many quitters. Be a chaser, a dreamer, an achiever.
Stay incredibly amazingly fantastically awesome. Of course for someone like you it would be literally impossible to be any other way!
Loads of Love,