Loving An INFJ Woman

lady-and-tramp-spaghetti

If you’re reading this post, congratulations! I am assuming an INFJ lady has caught your eye and you are looking for some tips to make your relationship better. Kudos to you. You’re doing research about her type which means you probably really care about her. How sweet of you!  An effort to understand an INFJ will result in trust and love from the INFJ. That and loads of fuzzy cuddly feelings. And who doesn’t love those?

Back to the topic, I have constructed a small list of things that you need to know about loving an INFJ lady. Please note that these are just general observations and my own experiences. Even though two people share the same personality type doesn’t mean they are clones. Just a general warning before we get into it.

So without further ado, let’s get down to business.

1. Trust and safety are essential- This can be applied to any woman, but INFJs take it to a whole other level. By trust and safety I mean being able to be completely at ease with you as a person. The INFJ woman’s intuition is her life. You’ve heard of “Mother’s Intuition”? Well, INFJ women have that times ten. I can pick out which guys are true creeps and which are diamonds in the rough. On a side note, chances are if your INFJ has already agreed to hang out with you or talks to you on a regular basis, she probably doesn’t think you are a serial killer. If she did, she wouldn’t be there.

To be honest for the most part I feel as though I constantly have to watch after myself. I always have my shield up to avoid getting hurt. I’ve been around a few guys that I feel I could truly let down my guard. That feeling is euphoria. Feeling safe around a guy makes him ten million times more attractive to me. I begin to feel like he’s going to be there for me. I feel I don’t have to fight anything anymore. He’s there. He will keep me safe. I can finally live in the moment because my worries are gone. It’s so liberating.

2. Honesty is a must- So you might be wondering how you can achieve a level of trust with an INFJ. The answer is honesty. Be open about who you are without any consequences. What I mean is when a curious INFJ asks questions about you (which is a big deal, because puts us out of our comfort zone) don’t rebuke her if she wants to know something. Have you ever been around someone who just cuts you off after you put yourself out there? Yeah. It just hurts. And INFJs are extremely sensitive which just adds to the humiliation.

If she asks questions, she truly wants to get to know you. Believe me, she’s already gathered information from the way you treated the waiter, how you reacted in traffic, and how you looked at her when you saw her in her new dress. She is a sponge at this point. Don’t let this intimidate you or lie about who you really are. Just be unapologetically you. Honesty will take you past several layers of the INFJ and it encourages her to reveal more things about herself that other dates probably haven’t had the opportunity to see. And by the way, the way you sweet talk your dog or how you visit your mom every weekend and cook with her will be very endearing. INFJs love quirks because we are quirky people. Go ahead, kid. Let it all out.

3. Don’t give up- This is probably the most essential point of the list. Remember all those outgoing, partying, cheerleading types of girls? Forget all of that. An INFJ doesn’t care for superficial things which means most people don’t care to get to know them. This causes the INFJ to sink deeper in themselves. If she looks wrapped up in her own thoughts it’s because she is. Why? Because for years they have been her only true friends. Once she starts letting you in it will be gradual. Why? Because she’s not used to someone truly wanting to know how she feels and what she’s thinking. She may have difficulty putting it in words, but just give her a moment to gather her thoughts. Some days she won’t feel as open. Don’t worry; it’s nothing you have done. Some day’s she will want to cry and let it all out. Just be there. Some days she’ll hate how “weird” and “dysfunctional” the world thinks she is. Be her friend. Sometimes the listener needs to be listened to. Some days she will draw away from you in her own little corner. But don’t worry. She’ll be back.

Once an INFJ loves you, she won’t stop. You are literally ingrained in her heart. She won’t leave you even if you take her down. She is the definition of unconditional love. Just hold on. Don’t give up. It is hard to say goodbye to someone who won’t leave, if you know what I mean. 

I hope that list helps someone out there. If you take away one thing from this post, I hope it is “Don’t Give Up.” This not only applies to loving an INFJ, but everything else in life. Just don’t give up. The world already has too many quitters. Be a chaser, a dreamer, an achiever.

Stay incredibly amazingly fantastically awesome. Of course for someone like you it would be literally impossible to be any other way!

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

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31 thoughts on “Loving An INFJ Woman

    • THANK YOU! I am so interested in this INFJ girl (woman). We had a first date and I could not stop smiling after…like a 2 hr (give or take) smile. She texted me, “I am glad you did not cancel it” refering to our date. She has said other affirming things but they have been few and far between. If I had not been studying (knowing) her type, I may have given up by now. The date was deep yet whimsical and gratifying…I liked listening to her. I am ENFP and I think if I fall in love with her (and she bolts), nothing but an INFJ will do here after! Do I want that ? I feel it at least must be an NF. I thank you for posting this. I may be deluding myself but I will not give up short of her saying “go away” or the equivalent.

      Sonny

      • Well, I know that if I made sure to let my date know that I had a great time, I truly enjoyed myself. And if she continues to stay around she definitely cares!

        Just please don’t five up on her. I know from experience that once an INFJ considers commitment it’s a long confusing road. If it takes her a while to open up then don’t fret. She will also notice your patience and you will earn some trust points! 🙂

        And just a side note, I have read that ENTP/ENFPs are considered the best matches for an INFJ. I’ll dare say the odds are in your favor!

        The key is don’t give up. Once an INFJ has made a commitment to love you, it is forever. I can guarantee you that. Best of luck! 🙂

  1. The more I learn about infj’s the more I can accept myself. This explains me in a relationship perfectly. When I trust, because of his honesty, my quirkiness can come out. I like her best – and I enjoy myself thoroughly when I can laugh at the silliest things – and boy look out because if you can bring that out in me I will fall head over heels in love 🙂 problem is my depth seems to intimidate/confuse/turn off most men I’ve dated. My latest conclusion is I’m dating the WRONG men! Like the kind who won’t even take the damn test so I know their type….lol I NEED to know their type – I’m going to make that a prerequisite to taking me on a date! Hahaha great article!

  2. Pingback: And now, ladies’ first ! / Et maintenant, honneur aux dames ! | Le coin lecture des Infj

  3. “If she looks wrapped up in her own thoughts it’s because she is. Why? Because for years they have been her only true friends”

    😦 So true. Luckily though I have an ISFP who managed to win my heart and is stuck with me forever 🙂

    I loved this post.

  4. What a wonderful type, the more I read, the more I wish I had an INFJ lady. I’ve met one in my life. At work. For the first 2 months of knowing each other, the only interaction would be her walking past and saying or doing something so random and quirky and then I would throw in my 2 cents or quick response. Before I left that company 6 months later, she knew everything about me. I could tell her absolutely anything. I was thinking if I had an INFJ gal she would never cry about the world not appreciating her quirkiness, cause i would show her and she would know that I absolutely love that about her.

  5. Don’t know how you were able to write about the core of INFJ so accurately and succinctly, but you did. Thank you for this~

  6. Well what can I say. I am 61, widowed and met my first INFJ three months ago. What an enigma….all I can say is amazing. I love her depth of vision and after countless time spent together, talking and listening, I am several layers down and she trust me and confides in me which I understand from reading is quite something. Along the way she has tried to put me off but persistence and honesty have paid off and we are forming a real relationship, but how do I get her to admit it and commit long term.At the moment we are ‘best friends and soulmates’ and she seems scared of taking the final step having had bad experiences in the past. I suppose just keep at it till she fully knows that I will be there for her come what may.

  7. I’m very late in the game from the original post date, but I have to say this is spot on. I had been labeled as an INTJ my whole life but every description just felt wrong. Up until about 4 months ago when I read up on the INFJ type, and everything seemed to make a little more sense. Those points are me, through and through. You’ve captured it wonderfully and I have to thank you for that!

    • Thank you for reading! And I’m so sorry for being so late in my response! For some reason I didn’t get the notification until now… But then again I don’t particularly mix well with technology… Have a lovely one! 🙂

  8. I’m a rare type as well — an INFP Man — and I’m madly in love with an INFJ lady. Or we think she is. Typical INFJ — isn’t really sure if she’s an INFJ or an INFP and keeps retaking tests to verify it once and for all. 😉
    But I love her for it. And for everything else she is. We’re at the point where she’s still trying to figure out if she wants to commit to me forever. And all I can do is show great patience while she makes up her mind. Although INFP and INFJ matchups aren’t famous in MBTI circles, I daresay that our shared patience at least makes this wait very easy for me while I just enjoy who she is as she’s right by my side.

    • Congratulations! I hope everything works out for the best! Honestly I think any type pair can work if the two people truly love each other. Granted MBTI might make it a bit simpler to avoid some conflict and personality clashes. Have a wonderful day! 🙂

  9. wow, this is so accurate! I am a 16-year-old INFJ and so far, I have had two relationships, which didn’t last of course. Initially I blamed myself for the break up but now I realize that we just weren’t compatible enough. I searched for honesty and trust in him, and sought meaningful conversations, while he wanted me to be like those typical girls.
    Anyways, it’s a great post, though I have discovered it late.

    • Hmmm. This can be a tough question because meaningful means different things for different people, but even the most typical conversations can be made meaningful. Asking a person simply how a situation made them feel or what they are thinking can open many doors when it comes to good conversations. Whether an introvert or extrovert, people place meaning on conversations in which they feel like they are heard. Listening is the key, in my opinion. Have a lovely one!

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