An Angry INFJ

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Ever seen one? An angry INFJ? Well, let me tell you, if you ever do it is one thing you will never forget. As of now, to be completely honest with all of you, I am fuming. If it were humanly possible I would literally have steam rolling out of my red hot ears. So instead of wasting my time and health punching walls, I figured I would let out some emotional steam and try to objectify what I feel and what I do when I am angry.

Buckle your seatbelts, kids. It’s about to get bumpy.

As you probably know, INFJ’s outlook on life is fueled by emotion. We are feelers. We quite literally feel everything whether it is meant to be personal or not. That is both a pro and con. On one side of the INFJ coin, you have a caring, empathetic bleeding heart that would kill or be killed for a cause they believe in or a person they hold dear. On the darker, scarier side of said coin is a vindictive assassin who will use all the information and intuition gathered about you to utterly destroy you into oblivion. (The reason for this will be explained in the latter portion of this article.) Let’s just say that once I hit the roof, people take notes. Detailed notes. Drenched in fear.

Think of the angry INFJ as a sick twist of DC’s Joker. There’s a whole lot of insanity that can be released in a short amount of time. And once it is, the INFJ just stands back laughing and watches it all burn. The thing about my anger is that I can mask it and make it seem harmless at first. Then I get in your head and tear you apart in tiny unsuspecting shreds. I am either Cool Hand Luke or the Hulk. There is no in between. (This all depends on how thoroughly I want to injure you.)

You might be thinking that INFJs tend to be more mouse like. I can imagine that it would be quite a shock to watch a quivering mouse turn into a roaring lion. The thing that makes an INFJ want to rip out throats is that we hate conflict/hate/cruelty. I will not purposely hurt or torture anyone that hasn’t done anything to me. I am a lover, believe me. But once I feel as if someone is hurting someone or something I love, I get very defensive in record time. And another thing that enfuriates me is when people harm defenseless people or things. I tend to have a special connection with small fragile things, and if I see them get hurt I become quite outraged.

Why? Remember when I said INFJs take things personally? Yep. That is the core of the INFJ. Once you touch “The Precious” you can kiss your sanity goodbye. For the most part INFJs don’t attempt physical warfare. It’s all about the mind. Why? Because we read people easily and have killer instincts (oh the irony). It’s kind of like Scar from “The Lion King.” We manipulate. Why fight when you can have an army do it for you? That sounds like Loki too. Hmmm.

This is getting scarier as I go along. Maybe I should laugh maniacally before I continue.

Nah. That would be cheesy. Anyway.

It kind of scares me how good I am at revenge. I map things out in my mind and patiently wait to sprinkle chaos wherever I please. Have I attempted it, you might ask. Well, to be honest, yes, I have. And let’s just say it worked rather well. The thing about me is that even if I despise someone who has hurt me I still feel some remorse for tearing them up. Weird, huh? I guess it’s a good thing INFJs have empathy, because if we didn’t we would probably take over the world. Oh, and Hitler was apparently an INFJ. Random scary fact of the day.

Life lesson: Don’t mess with INFJs.

So if you were curious about the ticked off INFJ, there you have it. This INFJ is definitely in a foul mood, let me tell you. So you are experiencing the frustration first hand. And I didn’t even punch anything! Who am I kidding? I would have someone else punch things for me.

I hope you all have a great evening and please don’t punch anything. Save those knuckles!

Stay incredibly amazing.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

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35 thoughts on “An Angry INFJ

  1. This is so completely and totally accurate it’s almost crazy haha! My anger, thankfully, dies rather quickly and within my own head. I plan out entire plots that I know would sting and burn the unfortunate offender like nobody’s business, but then feel bad for having such thoughts and quickly fill the rage in with guilt/sadness almost. Oh the INFJ mind, so complicated… Do you feel the same too after intense rage/frustration?
    So glad I found your blog by the way, I’m off to read more! Keep it up 😀

  2. Interesting stuff! I think I’ve been on the end of an infj plot- it’s not nice!! You’ll are good at planning, good at justifying acts(sometimes wrong), good at sweet talking people , and have strong convictions!

    • Why thank you! But you INFPs are really something too! I know several that I would go in to batte with. 🙂 Well, maybe battle was a little strong. Nevertheless you all are awesome too!

    • 100% agree. And thus the sickening experience of attempting to intervene when a narcissistic sociopath hurt vulnerable people and played manipulative games like a skilled magician who seduced anyone he wanted to use for whatever purpose. As an INFJ who felt outraged because I first intuitively knew something was wrong and then logically confirmed this hunch, my attempts to protect/intervene only served as narcissistic supply and I was pulled into the game and hurt myself. The only way to find peace was to detach entirely and go no contact. Very sad and felt like I was defeated. I learned about my limits.

      • I’m sorry to hear about that. It’s definitely east to get involved and get hurt, that’s for sure. Especially when you’re trying to protect someone else. Have a good one!

    • Oh, but it is 😉 If you’re referring to a passing narcissist acquaintance, then probably not. If the narc is a big part of your life like a boss or a spouse, you will fall flat on your face many times. When an INFJ has something invested in a relationship, we want to believe the best in the perpetrator. We give and forgive over and over. At some point along the way, the narc becomes more aggregious and haughty. Their methods become so painfully obvious that the INFJ finally realizes what they’re dealing with. INFJs know how narcs work, but the toughest part is dropping the denial and calling a spade a spade. No one wants an important person in their life to be a narc, but oh, it happens… especially to us INFJs. And that’s because not many other types will be so generous with forgiveness and tolerance. It’s not a weakness for us, but unfortunately most of us only polish this gem of our personalities after life experience. As for INFJ dismantling a narc’s ego, they are actually the most fragile. Like most INFJs, I love helping others. I’m all about caring and service. They are far more valuable to me than anything monetary. Relationships with real connection and raw humanity are my catnip. Unfortunately, I’ve been personally violated and manipulated by 2 different narcs in my life to a severe degree. I wanted to believe there was good in them, but once I finally saw them objectively (which hurt like hell), I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it sooner. One narc majorly broke the law in a white collar way (an old supervisor), and the other I married over 20 yrs ago. Quietly, methodically, I pursue “justice” behind the scenes. They only see the “mouse”. And by “justice”, I mean real, legal justice. INFJs are natural detectives anyway, so I thankfully had the foresight to document with ample notes and pictures over the years. Even while I believed these 2 narcs could be “good”, I knew something was still “off”. I have quite the database hidden in multiple places. My only goal is to stand up for myself, call them out (maybe it will protect someone else?), and get back some of what they took. Even though I’ll never be the same, there’s great peace in getting up one more time. Neither have any idea the misery they will experience in the near future. The two things narcs hate most are exposure and not having control. The way I see it is I’m only a mirror. They are only getting what they “gave”. They damned themselves. I just took notes. Never have I seen myself as a righteous judge of the world. No way. In fact, sometimes I’m so forgiving that I wonder how ISIS may change if a grass roots movement tried that approach with them. They are indeed vile vermin of the earth, and I don’t know if I could extend “love” to them knowing what they do. But what if? Anyway, I’m just saying I can be forgiving to a fault. I’m learning how to forgive while walking away, but it’s a process for me. So for these 2 narcs, I am unapologetically infecting their egos like an insidious cancer. It’s very personal. I’ve devoted some time to researching narcissistic abuse, and I’d swear that both of these narcs had the instruction book on how to suck the life out of a soul. Bottom line is, we do have their number. They’re not nearly as crafty or powerful as they can be portrayed. Once you realize you’re in their game, the rules don’t vary. You can learn how to “handle” them. To save your own sanity though, it will end in you having to walk away. Surround yourselves with trusted confidants and professionals (attorneys and / or therapists). Document everything. Hide it. Email it to friends, and tell them why. Just for someone besides you keep records too when the time comes to act. No matter what, DON’T ENGAGE with a narc. In their presence, I am “the mouse”. If things get intense, I walk away. But by all means, if you or your children are in danger, you must leave and call for help ASAP. Not all narcs are violent, but too many can be. If you are in danger, you don’t have time for all these mind games. Just get out! But for my situation, I must say I think I’lol enjoy watching them burn (metaphorically)… in their own kindling and by their own matches. By learning how to respond to their manipulation, they will either leave or destroy themselves. For this, I have nothing to mourn.

      • I can definitely relate to the “forgiving to a fault ” point and the mouse reference. That was my nickname all throughout high school and even occasionally today. Strangely enough unrelated circumstances and people repeatedly have labeled me as a mouse. I suppose we are who we are, but I refuse to think of it as a weakness. Quietness and meekness is never weakness. Have a wonderful one and thank you for reading!

  3. I do most of this when I’m angry (except if I’m *really* ticked off, I might actually punch walls lol Especially if I’m dealing with my really difficult father).
    Yet, as an INFP, I suppose it’s usually my ugly, loudmouthed, ESTJ shadow that shows itself once I finally snap. My Fi is kinda scary in that you likely won’t know until it’s too late when you’ve pushed me too far. I can be really passive and prefer to avoid conflict but hit me in the wrong spot, at the wrong time, and I’m out for blood.

    I think intuitive types in general are more likely to engage in the whole “plotting out revenge” type thing (at least, mentally, if anything) being “big picture thinkers” and all that. It really depends on what someone has done to me to say whether or not I will plan out a slow burn of revenge, or simply explode. If you have wronged me but never really seen much anger, chances are I’ll wait until the time is right to get you back. It’s not so much the elaborate, long term type of Ni planning as it is just a general “their time will come…” and then I’ll proceed to imagine all sorts of opportune moments in my head as my hatred simmers.

    Then comes that guilt you talked about. When I lose myself in these drowning tangents of negative thoughts, I feel my hatred burning a hollow place in my heart and feel a mixture of sadness and guilt. It’s then that I remember I’m doing this to myself. The only person with the power to change me and cause me to forget who I am – is *me*. Sometimes it feels like my own emotions are holding me hostage and causing me to become something I’d rather not be, and I realize that’s simply not acceptable and try to regain control.

    I can only think of a couple times I’ve felt so deeply wronged however because so few people have such an emotional sway on me. I usually have a “take ’em or leave’em” type attitude towards most folks, as people walk in and out of my life all the time and I’m perfectly fine with that, ( that’s life). Yet there’s just something about feeling betrayed and manipulated by one of the extremely rare people whom I considered to be part of my “family” that really does it for me… *ahem* anyway this is getting way too personal now. Lol

    But thanks for the interesting post! INFJs are fascinating people and I actually have the pleasure of knowing one in real life, and it’s like there’s this *kinship* we have that even though I rarely get to see her, she just kinda “gets it” the way no one else really does. Too bad ya’ll are so rare (she’s like my personal unicorn! Lol)

  4. Hi,

    Hope it’s okay if I ask a question.

    What has your experience been like meeting other infj’s? Did you feel as if you were finally understood or able to connect with these people on a different level?

    Thanks for the great read, I look forward to more of your blogs!

  5. Very interesting to read, I’ve very recently discovered this whole “Personality” thing and I’m an INFJ just like you
    And this reminded me when a friend managed to piss me off like no one ever could before. He was really lucky I had the strenght to bite my tonge and don’t yell everything that came to my mind in that moment.
    For bieng 100% honest with you, just after that I was in tears just because all the things i’ve almost yelled at him.
    I am too sometimes scared of myself, of the thoughts sometimes come to my mind that could destroy the person I have right in front of me. Scared of my inner cruelty and what I can come to do when I lose my mind.
    But of course, I’m usually kind of the opposite, I love all my friends, and I enjoy helping them and being by theyr side.
    Sorry for bad english, awesome post 🙂

    • Thank you for reading! And yes, I believe everyone regardless of type is scared of who we can become when we are angry. But sometimes it’s best to take a walk away from the situation. Sometimes temporarily or permanently. Have a good one! 🙂

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  7. Wow! Have you been reading my mind? Scary accurate! I just recently found out that I am an INFJ, just thought I was crazy weird all these years. 😛 The rage is real. I can take on a whole lot myself before I get angry (years even!), then the anger is usually the simmering-revenge type. It is a whole different story when someone else gets hurt, especially children or animals. I can go from 0 to “Batshit crazy” in 3 seconds. People that have known me for dozens of years and never seen me angry have been known to jaw-drop when they finally see it. We are scary beasts inside. 🙂

  8. I’m an INFJ and yes this sums up most of what I am feeling today. As a senior class president, I made it my absolute mission to form relationships with most people at my school. I had went to that school my freshmen year, left for 2 years, and came back. Did people change?
    Absolutely not.
    They we’re still the little freshmen in senior bodies who kept to themselves, their conditional cliques, and mercilessly fed off of each other for social gratification. And ever since I stepped into that school, my kindness, my empathy, and my talents have been exploited.
    So I came up with a marvelous plan.
    I made senior ditch day on the most. Worst. Day. Possible. Yes. It was cruel; but considering that the seniors were bullying me and telling me to get my life together when I’m the one planning how their year will be….it’s just so very disappointing. Nobody even offered to run for the position until I saw the need. I just wanted to be there for them.
    I only wanted to help them.

    • I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. It’s definitely not a pleasant experience, that’s for sure. One thing I have learned is that people will be people and you definitely can’t change them. But the good thing is that you can control who you are and how you feel. And a lot of times that makes all the difference! Keep on shining! 🙂 Have a good one and thank you for reading!

  9. Thanks for your post! It’s really help me alot.. actually i want to share my experience recently.. i’m not really good for trusting people, and many time i’m just superficially hangout with others and not considered them as a friend at all.. i tend to feel they just using me for personal benefit, because apparently i’m kinda blessed with getting rank in school(sorry i’m not trying to be arrogant 😦 ) and they want to be friend with me to get help for schoolwork (basically i do the most work because as an infj i’m kinda perfectionist).. and because i tend to let it go and maybe a bit too “kind”, they began to insult me as a joke and bullied me.. well, at that time i didn’t want to make it big, so i just stay “quiet”.. years passed by, and at highschool those girls trying to make a reunion for our “gang”.. apparently i’m not in one school again with them and i really relieved with that. And because i kinda withdraw myself from them, one of them began quiet angry and “scolding” me.. it was the moment when i can’t stand with their dictactor mode and i began to say something harsh to them.. it is about that my life is not just to pay attention with her and she should be grateful that i still reply her.. then she replied me saying that amazed that i can mad (for apparently for 3 years of middle school i never mad with them for anything) and she said sorry.. at first i was relieved until my friend told me that this girl (the one that just say sorry before) told my friend about my chat with her and that she blocked me in line social media( apparently i didn’t realized she blocked me) and told my friend that i changed.. i began furious again and i write an anonymous statement to her askfm, and without any rude remarks, i began to tell her about how i felt about her in a deep, kinda stabbing manner… she replied my statement with a really guilty yet innocent statement.. then she began to ask me in line wether it was me or not, and i just lied that it wasn’t me.. then she just casually shared about her guilty towards “that” people and how she want to reconciled.. at that i time i was really guilty and remorsed.. i look back at my statement in her askfm and how i surprised by how my words really was sharp and painful.. yet i was coward for backstabbing her, she thought me i was still the goody-goody friend in middle school that she could shared every story, yet on the contrary i was the one who paid attention and gather all her flaws and built it as a horrific hideous weapon for her, and hide again in the angelic face she “knew”… i want to make up with her because i can’t stand this enormous amount of guilty in my heart, so what should i do now? 😦

    • I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel in the sense of being the one everyone turns to when it comes to group work and what not. When it comes down to it, is this girl truly your friend? Would she sit up with you all night to mourn the loss of a family member or drop all of her plans to see you? If she is manipulating how you feel in order to help herself, my suggestion would be to end it. Friends don’t jab at each other and cause guilt for the sake of doing it. I know it’s not easy being the shy and meek one, but believe me when I say this, most people will mistake meekness for weakness, when in all reality the strongest one of all is indeed the meekest. Just be yourself and try to forgive and forget. (Although that is easier typed than done.) The sooner you release her in your heart and mind by forgiving her, the less of the burden you have to bear.

      I hope you have a lovely day and that everything works out for the best! 🙂

  10. Too accurate to be true 🙀 Those are true and as an INFJ myself, I did that several times just to make people whose hurt me suffers and yes, without even touching them, was a pleasure to be honest 😆 i love my dark side no matter what, as much as I love my bright side. Thanks for the article anyway! 😁

  11. Oh gosh that is how I’m feeling right now. I like your post it’s quite a refreshing perspective of the INFJ. And I think injustice is a great word to put on the things that tick us off. Thank you, I needed this 🙂

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