Getting to know an INFJ can be hard work, no joke. I definitely feel for any confused individual out there who is attempting to learn more about their INFJ acquaintance. Don’t worry though and please don’t give up! It can be tricky business, but I reassure you it will be worth it in the end! I thought I would take the time to point out a few things I do when I really want to get to know someone better. Maybe these will help you determine just what your INFJ is thinking about a potential relationship be it romantic or friendly in nature. So here they are!
1. Initiating or responding positively to contact- Granted this one is for any type, but it is especially crucial for INFJs. For the most part I observe from a distance and I pick and chose who want to interact with. It’s not that I will reject or ignore someone who takes the time to talk to me. It’s just that when I chose to walk up to someone and initiate any sort of contact, it means that for some reason I find that person particularly interesting. Maybe their kind eyes caught my attention or the way they smile warmly at others when they speak. This may not be true for all INFJs, but I know I am especially attracted to warm hearted people. I can practically spot them anywhere. (One good thing about being an INFJ is the ability to read someone from across the room. Sometimes I just get hunches about people. For the most part I am right!) Those are the people I generally try to associate with. People with arrogant temperaments normally rub me the wrong way so I silently will slip away and find someone I feel I can have a stimulating conversation with.
2. Making lots of eye contact- I have always been on the shy side (although shyness and introversion are often synonymous to most people this is not the case. Just because someone is introverted does not mean they are necessarily shy.) They say the eyes are the window to the soul. INFJs tend to keep their soul hidden beneath layers of thoughts, ideas and feelings. We do not usually show our feathers until we are ready. So naturally letting others take a peek through our windows is not as alluring as it seems. I know when I want to get close to someone I make eye contact as frequently as possible. Granted it may be in short spurts. Sometimes when I am talking to a person I get a little nervous so my eye contact is a little shaky. It’s not that I am trying to ditch whoever I am talking to. I am just evaluating (shakily) as I go.
3. Revealing personal things- One thing that is consistent with INFJs is their lack of trust towards most people. Someone may try to get to know me, but until I am completely comfortable with them they may as well be getting acquainted to a wooden fence post. I dance around subjects until I know that they are staying right where they are. I have to feel as though I don’t have to worry about them disappearing into thin air if I look away for a brief moment. I would have to say this blog is probably the most personal thing I share with people I don’t know very well. It can be very uncomfortable for me at times, but I try to press through. Another example is my love for drawing. Sometimes I like to take the time and just lock myself in my room and sketch to my heart’s content. I’ve spent hours before just doodling my life away and loving every minute of it. Even though I spend so much time doing it and it brings me so much joy, I have shown very few people my work. I suppose it’s because I feel as if those sketches are a part of me. And unless I trust you, you will never see the real me.
4. Becoming “extroverted”- This is where the INFJ becomes especially tricky. Often times people will mistake an INFJ for an extrovert because of their general interest in people and their sudden bursts of social energy. I know that if I am with trusted friends, I can be extremely loud and obnoxious. If others see me in this state, they often think I am extremely outgoing and fun. But, lo and behold, the next day when they speak to me I am quiet and reserved. Where did the outgoing Kate go? She is still there. Sort of. You see, I must trust whoever I am around in order to be more on the extroverted side. I can’t keep it up forever though. I don’t see how you extroverts do it! It’s exhausting! As soon as I get tired from my sudden outburst I revert back to my INFJ ways. It’s not that I’m trying to confuse people or be something I am not. It just happens. Like meteor showers or crop circles. You don’t know exactly why or how it works but you don’t question it when it comes.
So these are a few things that INFJs do when they truly want to get to know someone. (At least in my experience.) I definitely encourage any INFJ opinions (or any other types for that matter. You guys are all welcome here!) on this post. I would love to hear any differences or similarities you all experience.
I hope these points were not too obscure for those people out there trying to get to know an INFJ. One thing you must always remember is that we love genuine, caring people who will always be there. Stability is a must for an INFJ. As long as you show your INFJ that you truly care for them they will eventually let down their walls and let you in. Just don’t give up!
Have a fantastic one wherever you are and stay amazing!
Loads of Love,