This is a word I have never understood. All my life everything that has come my way has made me feel a certain way. Whether they are insignificant or life altering I always have emotion wearing me down. A lot of times I am drained just because of said feelings. It’s like shaking up a snow globe and expecting it to stay completely calm and motionless. These are my thoughts with no pretty ribbons or colorful wrapping paper. These are raw and open. Even though they are hard for me to write, I felt it was best.
I have been told that the way I think makes me weak. Apparently living life through emotional weight, doing school work, maintaining relationships, building others up, caring about someone when no one else will even look their way, trying to make people feel good about themselves and a constant feeling of ‘not good enough’ and ‘how will I get through this’ isn’t tough enough for some people. Just because I see life through different eyes doesn’t make me weak or fragile.
Little do they know that actually caring about things wears you down so much faster than sitting in a constant apathetic state. Apathy is easy. Too easy, if you ask me. Caring for and about others takes strength most people will never understand and to be completely honest I am sick of being labeled as ‘weak.’
Being ‘comfortably numb’ sounds weak to me. It’s pretty much saying that someone has given up. Personally I am not a quitter. If I intend to do something it is permanently etched in my mind until the moment I finish it. If I care for someone I will literally care for them for the rest of my life. I don’t forget people. I remember their names and their stories. I’m sorry people see my perseverance as weakness but I refuse to change.
I am sorry this post may sound cruel. It was not written with ill intentions or malice just a tired, burnt out INFJ who just doesn’t understand the world. To those out there feeling the same way, just hold on. Please, I beg you; don’t think of yourself as weird or weak because you care. It takes more guts to care than to be apathetic. Stay incredible, you.
Loads of Love,