Opposites Attract?


Hello all! I thought I would delve deeper in the magical world of this INFJ’s head. Get ready; this is going to be complicated. It’s a little more personal in nature, so if you cringe at the thought of reading someone’s mushy gushy emotions and thoughts, this post isn’t for you. Run. Run away as fast as you can. Otherwise, let’s get this show on the road!

When it comes to romance and matters of the heart, INFJs are the ultimate romantic. We love giving affection to people we truly love. Writing letters, spending relaxing evenings and telling our overwhelmingly strong feelings is just part of the process. I am bad about writing poetry and other sentiments. (Of course once my heart has been trampled and thoroughly diced into tiny melancholy pieces, I soon regret showing my ‘handy work’ to an audience. Rejection for an INFJ is beyond painful.)

To be honest, I normally don’t have a fascination for people who are completely opposite from me, but now that has changed. I recently have made a connection with an ISTP and I am enthralled. I don’t know if it’s sheer fascination or attraction. I really don’t. He throws me off completely and it feels like a free fall from the Grand Canyon. I don’t know if I should freak out or just enjoy the ride.

Of course I have a theory as to why I am feeling this way. If you read about ISTPs, you will see that besides being introverted they are completely opposite from INFJs. When I trust my instinct he trusts his senses. When I feel my way through life, he is analyzing his next move. I prefer to have plans and have a general idea of what I’m about to do. He, however loves the thrill of just driving out to the middle of nowhere on a whim and skydiving off the nearest tall object. He is incredibly calm at all times and doesn’t really show deep emotion.

Of course, INFJ’s can seem emotionless at first because we tend to be ‘cold’ on the outside and warm on the inside, so to speak. ISTPs, however tend to not dwell on raw emotion like INFJs do. (One thing these two types have in common is sarcasm. Thank heavens. Sarcasm is my second language.)

Of course I have heard my whole life that opposites attract, but are INFJs and ISTPs too different to maintain a solid healthy relationship? That is the question. I personally feel as though I am going insane in a calming sort of way. When I first met him he threw me completely off guard. I had ‘studied’ him previously with no definite idea of who he was. I don’t interact with him often because I just don’t know how to act.

This is absolutely foreign to me because I can normally walk up to anyone I find interesting and strike up a conversation about their interests and talk for hours and end up making friends with them. They will end up telling me their worst fears, family issues, strange hobbies etc. within a matter of minutes. (And yes, I know it sounds strange that an introvert can do this, but once an INFJ is determined to figure you out we are extremely persistent and will confidently waltz right over and get to know you better. This is not exactly a normal occurrence due to exhaustion from too much social interaction, so if an INFJ wants to talk take it as a compliment. We think you’re pretty cool!)

My first time speaking to him left me feeling like I took a Norfolk-Southern to the chest after checking several times if the coast was clear. He is the ultimate blind side. I had asked him a simple question about a class we had together and he answered in a sarcastic way with a slight smirk. The last thing I would have expected was a smart answer coupled with a smirk. I mean come on. It was a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. At that moment I wrote him off as a jerk. I instantly shut down and began to walk away. (Once I have labeled you as insensitive you may as well prepare to never speak to me in this lifetime. I will never bother you again, I reassure you.)

What happened next was unexpected. He followed me. Yes, literally moved his body from his current position just to clarify what I had missed in class and so on. That was shocking. I believed he truly thought I was an idiot and a waste of space, and then he follows me and tells me all about class. Wow. On top of that I had never heard him utter more than five words, so it was nice to know he wasn’t a flesh eating robot from Mars or something of that caliber.

I have had a few more interactions besides that one and I am still fascinated. Maybe it’s just because he is my polar opposite. Yeah, we’ll go with that. I thought about approaching him again, but I feel as though I may just be aggravating him and wasting his time. Since he is the ‘strong and silent’ type, he has girls falling all over him. (He’s not too shabby to look at either.) I don’t want to look desperate or like his ultimate fan. Believe me, I am neither. I just want to figure him out and get some peace. Maybe then my brain will stop bringing him up. My intuition is telling me he would be very interesting and there is more to him than meets the eye. Now I just have to get my nerves to stop shaking and my mouth to say the right thing. (That’s a challenge within itself.)

It’s crazy how you can talk with one person and you suddenly start to lose your sanity. Of course, being the researcher that I am, I have found several interesting articles about ISTPs. You should definitely check them out. They are pretty cool.

So I have to ask, do you think opposites make a good team or are they a ticking time bomb? I would love to hear what you think!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to do something to preoccupy my busy mind. Have a good one wherever you are! Stay awesome.

Loads of Love,


4 thoughts on “Opposites Attract?

  1. Im either E or I NFP (it varies/not sure..) current boyfriend is ISTP, been going out with him for about 3 years. ROLLER COASTER.
    He is very easily the most awesome person but at the same time incredibly frustrating because he doesn’t do the whole ’emotion’ thing. He can go from being incredibly affectionate (organizing amazing adventures) to acting like my work colleague in a matter of hours (helpful, but distant and needing his own space)…very confusing but challenges my perception of others and keeps us both focussed in enjoying the present moment.
    We also do random stuff together like spending weekend inside playing mario cart…driving out to a black sand beach at 3am…going tramping for five days in the middle of nowhere in the snow. So common interests are awesome when interacting with them.
    Communication is also really important… like not subtle hints… “I am feeling/thinking xxxxx about xxxxx and i think we should do xxxxxx to resolve it” works. Blunt. Still working on that bit, my F sometimes goes wacko and emotions start flying from everywhere and ISTP just steps back and waits for it to be over. ISTPs can also be quite blunt and hurt emotionally inclined people without realizing it or just really piss them off hahaha– cue mantra “he is not trying to insult me”.
    Conclusion– whilst not the easiest relationship/team dynamic it can also be incredibly cool and involves effort/understanding/compromise/maturity, which can be a good thing.

    • Thank you for the insight! I always thought that a opposite relationship could work as long as the two people truly love eachother and work at it, He sounds very adventurous and cool! I’d say life is a big adventure with him! 🙂

      I have noticed the blunt thing. They just come out and say it. I respect their honesty and realness, but like you said, people with a tendency to feel will sometimes be hurt unintentionally by it.

      ISTPs are very interesting to me. I tend to watch people from the sideline and I have to say they are some of the most ‘real’ and relaxed people I know. *Sigh* I don’t see how they do it!

      Have a good one and thanks for the comment! 🙂

  2. Sometimes i think that my partner is an ISTP, he hasn’t done the MBTI but i can be pretty sure that he is. And even though we are both introverted it surely is a roller coaster! It took a year for us to feel ‘settled’ with each other, me being intuitive and emotional and he being very logical and not one to organize or plan. How many times i still to this day get frustrated and cry from being over sensitive. It is hard work because we are so similar in so many ways but oposite in others. My partner pisses me off so much that it takes a genuine and real love to appreciate one another and it takes a lot of fine tuning, especially for me the INFJ.

    Good luck Kate, it really is possible but takes A LOT of compromise, and understanding of each other 🙂 But it’s also so much fun and surprising 🙂

    • Thank you! It’s nothing serious, I can reassure you. It’s just that he flusters me and fascinates me at the same time. It’s hard to put in to words. He seems cold and distant at first, but I have noticed that once he talks to people, he starts smiling (granted not cheesing or anything too emotional) and his eyes seem to not be so piercing. My gut says deep down there’s more to him that he’s just not showing…and that makes me very curious! 🙂

      Then again I could be completely wrong. Now I just need to stop feeling so intimidated and talk to him! That is the hardest obstacle at this point… (He just seems to want to be left alone. And I would hate to pester him.)

      And thanks for the luck, I think I might need it…haha 🙂 Have a good one!

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