Here recently I have been doing research on being an INFJ and how other INFJ’s describe their thought patterns, daily lives, social interactions etc. The information I have found is definitely relatable to my own life. When I read these posts and articles I am literally reading with an intense jaw-dropped face. (I didn’t know anyone else felt the same way I did this whole time!) As you can tell from this post’s title, I wanted to discuss some common cons that INFJ’s tend to experience. (Please note that I love being an INFJ and other INFJs. This is not an ‘INFJ bashing post’ or an ‘air out my dirty laundry complaint’ post. It is only a summary of previous observation and research. I hope you enjoy!)
For starters, I compiled a short list of common quirks most INFJs have:
• No sense of how others see you
• Doesn’t take criticism well
• Hard to be understood
The first quirk (no sense of how others see you) is a common thing INFJs experience. I know I can peg someone else’s social ‘status’ and personality before most people can. I tend to know who to trust or who to dodge. I can tell if someone is nervous, concerned, intimidated etc. even if they are trying to hide it. That is definitely a pro because it allows you to see a problem and connect with that person and maybe even help find a solution to the problem or calm their nerves.
The con is that most INFJs can’t see how others see themselves. I literally have no clue if someone likes me or what they could be thinking of me at any given moment. (Weird, huh?) Of course if you spit in my face or call me inappropriate names, I will safely assume that I am probably not your favorite person. (I’m quite the Sherlock Holmes, I know.)
Daw, thanks. That’s very sweet of you.
But as far as knowing if people trust or truly know me, I will never know. And I think that’s where the ‘INFJs care too much about what others think about them’ thing comes in. Apparently many INFJs have been accused of over thinking about what others feel about them. Why we do (in my opinion) is because we really don’t know. Just imagine being able to gauge someone just by looking at them and then looking in the mirror and seeing a giant question mark. That’s what it’s like. (It’s very frustrating, mind you.) My life’s joy and entertainment is from observing and figuring people out and the person I am supposed to know the best is the one that puzzles me most. Ah the irony.
The second normality has haunted me all my life. People always tell me, “Kate, why are you being so sensitive? I am not attacking you. I am just giving you some constructive criticism.” To be honest, criticism always seems personal to me. INFJs tend to feel deep emotion and practically any form of criticism sends sharp poison drenched arrows straight to their fragile loving hearts.
Is it intended for good?
It may be.
Is it perceived as good or helpful?
Nope. Hardly ever.
Why? Because INFJs are sensitive to negative words (especially about themselves). I know I feel as though I have failed somehow or I am distorted if I am criticized. I have been working on trying to not take things so hard (or at least putting on a poker face until I can remove myself to a private room and ‘feel’ my guts out.) It’s difficult, but I haven’t died from it…at least not yet.
Probably the most common complaint most INFJs have is not being understood. Since we only make up 1-3% of the population (this statistic varies from source to source), it poses quite a task to find another INFJ to tell all our troubles to. I know when I try to explain my feelings to other people I tend to get the cock eyed stare a dog gives you when you speak something he has never heard before.
Yeah, kinda like that.
Some days I feel like I am wearing a neon sign that says “Different: Proceed with Caution.” Sometimes it’s hard to understand others as well, to be frank. I suppose the rarity of the INFJ is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that you can help people by listening and trying to understand and feel what they are going through. The curse is going through those same situations and having no one to understand (or even care for that matter) what you are going through.
So those are a few common variables in the social interactions of the INFJ. I hope you have enjoyed and if you can relate, feel free to comment below. It won’t cost you a dime, I promise. Just some time and thought!
Have a good one wherever you are!
Loads of Love,