Cons of Being an INFJ

Charlie Brown

Hello everyone!

Here recently I have been doing research on being an INFJ and how other INFJ’s describe their thought patterns, daily lives, social interactions etc. The information I have found is definitely relatable to my own life. When I read these posts and articles I am literally reading with an intense jaw-dropped face. (I didn’t know anyone else felt the same way I did this whole time!) As you can tell from this post’s title, I wanted to discuss some common cons that INFJ’s tend to experience. (Please note that I love being an INFJ and other INFJs. This is not an ‘INFJ bashing post’ or an ‘air out my dirty laundry complaint’ post. It is only a summary of previous observation and research. I hope you enjoy!)

For starters, I compiled a short list of common quirks most INFJs have:
• No sense of how others see you
• Doesn’t take criticism well
• Hard to be understood

The first quirk (no sense of how others see you) is a common thing INFJs experience. I know I can peg someone else’s social ‘status’ and personality before most people can. I tend to know who to trust or who to dodge. I can tell if someone is nervous, concerned, intimidated etc. even if they are trying to hide it. That is definitely a pro because it allows you to see a problem and connect with that person and maybe even help find a solution to the problem or calm their nerves.

The con is that most INFJs can’t see how others see themselves. I literally have no clue if someone likes me or what they could be thinking of me at any given moment. (Weird, huh?) Of course if you spit in my face or call me inappropriate names, I will safely assume that I am probably not your favorite person. (I’m quite the Sherlock Holmes, I know.)

imagesCAUAPKX1

Daw, thanks. That’s very sweet of you.

But as far as knowing if people trust or truly know me, I will never know. And I think that’s where the ‘INFJs care too much about what others think about them’ thing comes in. Apparently many INFJs have been accused of over thinking about what others feel about them. Why we do (in my opinion) is because we really don’t know. Just imagine being able to gauge someone just by looking at them and then looking in the mirror and seeing a giant question mark. That’s what it’s like. (It’s very frustrating, mind you.) My life’s joy and entertainment is from observing and figuring people out and the person I am supposed to know the best is the one that puzzles me most. Ah the irony.

The second normality has haunted me all my life. People always tell me, “Kate, why are you being so sensitive? I am not attacking you. I am just giving you some constructive criticism.” To be honest, criticism always seems personal to me. INFJs tend to feel deep emotion and practically any form of criticism sends sharp poison drenched arrows straight to their fragile loving hearts.

Is it intended for good?

It may be.

Is it perceived as good or helpful?

Nope. Hardly ever.

Why? Because INFJs are sensitive to negative words (especially about themselves). I know I feel as though I have failed somehow or I am distorted if I am criticized. I have been working on trying to not take things so hard (or at least putting on a poker face until I can remove myself to a private room and ‘feel’ my guts out.) It’s difficult, but I haven’t died from it…at least not yet.

Probably the most common complaint most INFJs have is not being understood. Since we only make up 1-3% of the population (this statistic varies from source to source), it poses quite a task to find another INFJ to tell all our troubles to. I know when I try to explain my feelings to other people I tend to get the cock eyed stare a dog gives you when you speak something he has never heard before.

curious

Yeah, kinda like that.

Some days I feel like I am wearing a neon sign that says “Different: Proceed with Caution.” Sometimes it’s hard to understand others as well, to be frank. I suppose the rarity of the INFJ is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that you can help people by listening and trying to understand and feel what they are going through. The curse is going through those same situations and having no one to understand (or even care for that matter) what you are going through.

So those are a few common variables in the social interactions of the INFJ. I hope you have enjoyed and if you can relate, feel free to comment below. It won’t cost you a dime, I promise. Just some time and thought!

Have a good one wherever you are!

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

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22 thoughts on “Cons of Being an INFJ

  1. I’ve always hated those quirks which was before I realized I’m an INFJ. I’ve asked myself a thousand times why am so sensitive, why do I always worry about how others perceive me, why do I always take things personally? I hated how intense and complicated my thinking and emotions are so I kept it all to myself. I’ve always mistaken my intution, being able to figure out others as being judgemental.

    Thanks to MBTI, I was able to understand myself. I’ve learned to accept myself and love my quirks. And I’m also trying to relate more to other people now while opening up my world to them.

    • Congrats! 🙂 That’s great to hear! I remember feeling the same way. When I finally took the test and read my results, I was shocked. It’s like everything fell in to place.

      Best wishes and have a great day! 🙂

  2. Lovely post and relatable. I am sensitive too…and i usually thing that ‘constructive critisim’ is a nice word to use to cover up for comments which are actually ‘persona’, maybe im wrong, but thats how i feel as an INFJ. There is not one person who i feel that i can gush too…who i can let into that private room, it can be lonely at times but i guess i have had no choice but to move forward. I got tired of the dog eyes that people would give me so i also learned to shut up a bit more lol 😉

    • Haha Very true about the shutting up part! And don’t worry about the typos.

      I have a place where I go and feel to my heart’s content. It feels great to just let it all go without anyone staring at you. 🙂

      Have a good one!

  3. Pingback: All The Things I’ve Done… | More Than Half Full

  4. Advice from an ENFJ… my BEST friend is an INFJ and she expresses these “cons” often. With that being said, I am the only person she has let into the deep, dark places of her heart… the places that, for years, she hasn’t shared with anyone, not even her husband. She is trying hard to open up and let others in and it’s very difficult for her. It continually surprises her when she tells me something that she hasn’t shared with anyone else and I don’t go running for the hills in judgment. One of the biggest fears of the INFJ (from what I can gather from all the info I’ve read) is that if they let their guard down and let someone into their sacred private life, whomever they let in is going to see them for who they really are, behind the facade, and not want to be around them anymore. This stems from the rarity of the INFJ; the ENFJ only makes up 2-5% of the population, so we’re pretty rare too. Combine that rarity with the compassion and empathy of the ENJF and you have someone you can be yourself around, without the fear of being judged – a true friend who has your best interest at heart. So here’s my advice… find an ENFJ… I am so blessed to have a unicorn (the rare INFJ) to call my best friend… I wouldn’t trade her for the world… she “gets” me and I “get” her… what an amazing gift. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your perspective… I’m pretty sure your post validated her own feelings and made her feel like she’s not so alone.

    • Thank you! And I would absolutely love to know an ENFJ. I am sure you guys are like the peanut butter and jelly of personality types! 🙂 Thanks for the great insight! Have a good one!

  5. I can totally relate!! I don’t know any INFJs either, so I started a blog so I have somewhere to vent. It definitely gets frustrating being everyone’s shoulder to cry on, so to speak, yet there is no shoulder for you to cry on. Not one that “gets it” anyway. Whenever I do work up the nerve to open up, even just a little, it seems to go right over people’s heads. Or they completely misunderstand, which is worse. You hit the nail on the head with the criticism thing…I try really hard to “man up” about it, but I just can’t convince myself that I don’t care. I am jealous of other personality types sometimes…my husband is an ISTP, and I wish I could be more logical like he is at times.

    • Welcome, fellow INFJ! It’s nice to “meet” you! And I’m very glad you liked the post! It is hard to feel like you are alone especially when you are feeling so many things at once. The criticism thing has haunted me all my life, but I am trying to develop a poker face. (Perhaps not as quickly as I had hoped…)

      And I definitely relate to the jealousy thing, too! Sometimes it seems being someone else would be so much easier! Thank you for the feedback! Have a good one! And stay incredible!

      • Thank you!! It’s great to “meet” you too! It is always exciting to meet another INFJ. 🙂 I, too, have been working on my poker face. Some days are more successful than others.
        Looking forward to reading more from you! 🙂

  6. Gosh! I used to be in a great despair believing that I was stupid and inferior as my way of thinking is different from the others but it’s better now as I’ve found out who I am. Due to the fact that INFJ is rare and because of their introvert side, there are not many companions they make. The worst, I myself was once accused of being desocialized!:O People around me keep claiming that they really know how I feel and push me to follow their way ( in fact, they don’t, they REALLY don’t). Whenever I voice out my thoughts and morality, it seems to puzzle or even disgust them to the extent that I should keep my mouth shut! sigh…. I hope people gain more awareness of this personality type. It’s rough to live a life being misunderstood all the time ==” You’re right it’s both a blessing and a curse! 😛 As an INFJ, have you ever experienced this like me? I really want to hear from the people of my type! 😀

    • Hello Sherlly! Thank you for reading! And yes, I can definitely relate to feeling and being different. My parents couldn’t understand why I was so “sensitive” growing up. I was also bullied at a young age and I was used to being ostracized by my peers because I thought differently. Growing up I never really had a friend at school so I had to be my own friend. I would draw, write or think on my own because everyone refused to be around me.

      Even now I feel lonely sometimes. Granted no one is bullying me or pushing me in a corner anymore. I remember wanting to fit in and feel like everyone else because I felt like a freak. Little did I know that eventually I would take a test one random day that would change my life.

      I guess it’s hard for people to understand INFJs because they’ve probably never seen one in real life before. I believe that I’m an acquired taste, so to speak. People either love my quirkiness or they avoid me. It’s sad but true. But the way I look at it, if someone is too shallow to be able to see me as a person they aren’t worth my time anyways. Haha. And that’s where the Door Slam comes in!

      I hope you have a great day and thank you again for reading! 🙂

  7. Thank you Kate for this lovely blog 🙂 I really like your style 🙂
    I can totally relate to everything you said specially “putting on a poker face until I can remove myself to a private room and feel my guts out” because I do that all the time and I wish if I could be more comfortable around people and process my emotions faster as required by some situations.
    Thank you again and never stop writing 🙂 ☺😘💜
    Xoxo

    • Thank you very much Mai! You have literally made my day! 🙂 And I wish you luck in all you do. It’s hard being “supersensitive” at times and it’s good to know that someone else gets where I’m coming from. Thanks for reading and have a fantastic day! 🙂

  8. before knowing I am an INFJ people, it feel like a curse. After reading your story, I feel blessed. Lucky we have internet so 1% people out of 7 billion people can know each other.

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