I’ll be the first to admit that I wonder what people think when they see me. What is the first word that pops in their head when they first notice me? I know when I am looking around a room I try to pay close attention to how a person sits, their facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice etc. Maybe that is strange, but I always try to acknowledge who is around me. I try to figure them out with a glance. It’s not that I am being negative or critical, I am just trying to see them for who they really are. I have no interest in their ‘social mask’ at all. I just want to see the raw person.
The real problem is knowing what others think when they see me. It would be pretty creepy to just walk up to a complete stranger and ask them to describe who they think I am. I know that would put me off slightly if I were the stranger in the situation. (Granted I would probably answer their question considering I would have most likely already observed them.)
To be honest, I don’t talk much when I’m out in public. Why is that? Because I am constantly taking everything and everyone in and thinking about things beyond a waiting room, post office or daily errands. I mostly speak when I am spoken to or if I know a person from a previous encounter and I have something I need to say. Is it because I lack confidence or self assurance? Nope. I just don’t find it necessary to talk unless I have something valuable to say. I find that listening and watching provide me with a unique way to see the world. I see people’s feelings, intentions, dreams and fears with only a look and a moment of silence. Some things I see make my heart break. Others make me smile and laugh to myself.
You see, when I am speaking, I am mostly focused on myself. Every thought and motion is focused on portraying the idea that I wish to give to someone else. Is this a bad thing? No. It just means that I lose focus of everyone else. I have noticed that if I want to get to know someone better, I have to watch them when they are silent. Their face will often relax to reveal the real emotions being felt at that moment. I soon start to see the walls people put up slowly tear down brick by brick. Some people seem to stay the same, while others change in to an entirely different being.
After they start revealing themselves I start asking questions. Why are they feeling like this? Are they okay? Do they need someone to talk to? I wonder why they are smiling. Wow, he’s really concentrating. Is that book really that good?
Observing may seem border line creepy, but I do have the best intentions. It’s not that I am trying to stalk anyone and collect hair samples and random photos of their social interactions and plaster them on a giant wall as a shrine of their existence. I am just curious about who they really are. Tying all the pieces I have found together, I get to see a sliver of someone’s personality. I find it fascinating.
Well, I’m sure by now you probably think I have stalking tendencies, but I reassure you that is not the case. (Besides, we stalkers prefer the term ‘observers’ anyway…) If you are a fellow observer then feel free to let me know! Maybe we can start a club…or a therapy circle. This could be our slogan:
Ah, yes. Very charming.
Have a good one! Stay amazing.
Loads of Love,