On a more personal note, I have taken some time to clean the dark recesses of my room. (It was very much needed, believe me.) What was supposed to be a once over turned out to be a total over haul resulting in a much cleaner space and a satisfied occupant. I didn’t notice it at the time, but looking through all the papers, notes, drawings and other things from my middle school and high school years brought me back to some feelings I forgot I even had.
Like those papers, all those feelings were bottled up inside me just rotting in their forgotten spaces. I found old notes that made me want to stop and close my eyes and picture myself at the time. These notes told of both bad and good memories. Times of crushes and pinky promises to never tell embarrassing secrets and thoughts of growing up and seeing the world. Some brought a smile to my face and made me laugh at all the things they conjured. Others made me remember a time of sadness. It’s all bittersweet, but it’s life. Whether the memories were good or bad they helped me learn lessons, make friends and never forget that life isn’t perfect but it is precious.
Another thing I noticed was the difficulty I had all these years of letting go of the bad. I had pieces of my past that still made my heart sting when I read them. It’s as if I didn’t want to let go because of some hope that maybe the sting would go away. Maybe one day the words wouldn’t hurt or that feeling will change to peace. But that’s the thing, sometimes the scars won’t go away, but you have to move on regardless. You can’t hold on to the poison that hurts you so much. I had to let go. And today I finally did.
All of it went in the trash where it belonged. As of now, it is rotting in a dump heap and I couldn’t be happier. What was supposed to have been a chore turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. I cleaned out both my room and my heart.
Mr. Clean would be proud.
Lots of Love,