Moments of 2013

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In the spirit of complacent following and anti-hipsterisms, I have decided to follow the blogging community in a reflection of my year and try to improve myself for the one to come. (I know, very original. Kudos for Kate.) This year has been a mix match of many things. An array of joyfulness, stress, laughter, disappointments, learning experiences and victories. It’s easy to look at all the bad times throughout the year, but then I am brought to the fact that I am beyond blessed.

Every day of this year I have woken up in a warm bed, I ate breakfast, lunch and supper, I spent time with my family, I got to go to church, go to school (which at times feels more like a curse than a blessing), I saw things I never dreamed I would, read books that broadened my horizons, meet people I will never forget, became a bit wiser and in June I started this blog. Granted not everything went according to plan, but plans are pretty much a lame joke in the general scheme of things.

I have been given this small space of time on this earth and for that I am grateful. I hope I never forget that life is a gift and some people would love to trade places with me, ‘problems’ and all. I must confess that at times I am not as thankful as I should be and for that I am ashamed. My worst days are in no comparison to some peoples’ best days. So I guess for next year I hope to keep an ‘attitude of gratitude.’ Would I like to get tons of money, a great body, shiny new sports car etc? Well, I wouldn’t exactly turn it down, but I want to take care and be thankful for what I have been given. I want to realize that I have what I have and I am who I am for a reason.

I would also like to affect others in a positive way whether it is through this blog, smiling at strangers, comforting friends, complimenting a cute pair of shoes or just holding a door open for someone. I want to make others feel good about themselves and realize that they are special because it is the truth. So many people walk through life thinking they are just another number or a faceless dispensable piece of society. You have a name, a soul and a heart and you are important! Just trust me.

So that is my cheesy and sentimental reflection of 2013 what I would like to happen in 2014. I hope you all have a wonderful ending to 2013 and an incredible success-filled 2014 wherever you are! And with that I leave you with this Swedish proverb: “Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Stay amazing.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

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No Satisfaction

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*Please note before reading that this is a compilation of an INFJ’s thoughts. Is there supposed to be a theme or message? Well, if there is it is unintentional at this point. Proceed at your own risk. Thank you.*

Cue The Stones, at this point I need a theme song. It seems here recently I haven’t been satisfied with the things I have been trying to do with my life. I completely relate to Loki of Asgard when he says, “Satisfaction is not in my nature.” Apparently I tend to be more critical on myself than anyone I know. It’s always been this way. Everyone around me sees something I have never seen when they look at me and I just can’t understand what that is. I wish I could take a moment and step outside of my body and look at who they see in me.

Maybe it is my bored mind trying to entertain itself with a destructive head game or two. I just can’t seem to be satisfied with myself right now. Anything I do seems to be highlighted by my brain barking out all the things I have done wrong and how I will never fix it.

Why is this?

Maybe it’s lack of caffeine. Who knows.

Truthfully, I have accomplished a few things on my life but I want to do more. I am a college student who has absolutely no clue what she wants or where she is going. I am falling down the metaphorical rabbit hole and plunging to heaven knows where. It’s partly thrilling and partly annoying, actually. I expect to be greeted by a rabbit in a waistcoat and a strange man in a mad hat at any moment. At least there will be tea…

I have so many ideas swirling about in my head and I want to do them all! They don’t correlate or agree in anyway, but they all seem so magical. Some are purely artistic and some are completely scientific. I have to figure it out, or I just might go round the bend. (If I haven’t already…)

And I’m terribly sorry for the partial rant/confusing thought monologue I have bestowed upon you. Please forgive my scattered thoughts and ideas. I’ll try to make it up to you. Here, take a gander at Niall Horan.

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Ah, isn’t that better? Have a good one, where ever you are.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

The Cleaning Spree

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On a more personal note, I have taken some time to clean the dark recesses of my room. (It was very much needed, believe me.) What was supposed to be a once over turned out to be a total over haul resulting in a much cleaner space and a satisfied occupant. I didn’t notice it at the time, but looking through all the papers, notes, drawings and other things from my middle school and high school years brought me back to some feelings I forgot I even had.

Like those papers, all those feelings were bottled up inside me just rotting in their forgotten spaces. I found old notes that made me want to stop and close my eyes and picture myself at the time. These notes told of both bad and good memories. Times of crushes and pinky promises to never tell embarrassing secrets and thoughts of growing up and seeing the world. Some brought a smile to my face and made me laugh at all the things they conjured. Others made me remember a time of sadness. It’s all bittersweet, but it’s life. Whether the memories were good or bad they helped me learn lessons, make friends and never forget that life isn’t perfect but it is precious.

Another thing I noticed was the difficulty I had all these years of letting go of the bad. I had pieces of my past that still made my heart sting when I read them. It’s as if I didn’t want to let go because of some hope that maybe the sting would go away. Maybe one day the words wouldn’t hurt or that feeling will change to peace. But that’s the thing, sometimes the scars won’t go away, but you have to move on regardless. You can’t hold on to the poison that hurts you so much. I had to let go. And today I finally did.

All of it went in the trash where it belonged. As of now, it is rotting in a dump heap and I couldn’t be happier. What was supposed to have been a chore turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. I cleaned out both my room and my heart.

Mr. Clean would be proud.

Lots of Love,
Kate
xoxo

Insecurity

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What an ugly, horrible word. We all have insecurities. They root deep in our minds and threaten any form of happiness or self satisfaction. I couldn’t tell you all the times I have heard people comparing themselves to women on magazine covers or actresses or models. Society has painted this misconstrued photo shopped image of what we are ‘supposed’ to look like.

But here’s the kicker, no one looks like that.

You know that girl in that magazine? Sorry, she doesn’t look like that in real life. She has to wear makeup and have her hair fixed just like you. (Except she has the advantage of multiple hair/makeup/wardrobe experts that get her ready and an editing team equipped with state of the art programs that give the illusion that she is perfect.) Despite popular belief, she too wakes up to matted up hair and paper bag days.

We all do. No one is perfect.

But the sad part of it all is that so many of us feel ‘not good enough.’ We feel as though our worth is based on the shell that encloses who we really are.

So how do we fix it?

Well, you know that girl that you see in the mirror every morning when you wake up? Instead of beating her up and telling her how fat her arms are or how weird her smile is or how ugly her hair looks, try building her up.

You may not believe this, but that girl goes through a lot in life and still remains strong. She sees pain and hurt and she combats it with love and understanding. You may not see much, but that girl could change the world if you would only give her the chance. She has dreams and ideas that go beyond the imagination. She deserves to be loved and respected. She gets enough cruelty when she goes out to face her day so why not treat her better?

She needs to be told that she is worth something. She needs to know that someone will love her even though she gets zits and her hair frizzes. She needs to know that she is special and that she can never be replaced!

Sure, she doesn’t look like that girl in the magazine, but then again, no one does. It’s all an illusion. Don’t let it fool you. You are incredible just the way you are. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself tell you otherwise! (And yes, I realize this is yet another cheesy mushy post, but I can’t help it! You are just so amazing and I simply had to tell you!)

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

Hair Crush Countdown

Hello there! You probably have figured out if you read my blog frequently that I do indeed have curly hair. Sometimes it likes to participate with my wishes and other times it would much rather march to the beat of its own messy, tangley drum. Nevertheless, I would like to pay tribute to some of the best curly hair I have ever seen in my short life.

Hence, the Hair Crush Countdown! These ladies always seem to keep beautiful, enviable curly hair that manages to remain perfectly in place and non frizzy. So without further a due, let us begin the marvelous countdown!

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1. Carrie Hope Fletcher– Let’s face it, her hair is gorgeous! Carrie is widely known for her YouTube channel and for playing Eponine in ‘Le’ Miserables’ at Palace Theatre in London. As if her hair wasn’t amazing enough, she also sings, plays the guitar and gives great advice.

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2. Lorde– Ah, yes. She isn’t caught up in your love affair. Granted she may not be royalty, but her hair is tops in my book. She has literally taken the music world by storm with her hit ‘Royals’ at the young age of 16. Pretty impressive, huh?

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3. AndreasChoice– This girl is known for her amazing hair and her popular YouTube channel. She has a plethora of great makeup and hair tutorials for all occasions. She also has a twin named Brittany who also has gorgeous hair. It must run in the family.

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4. Beyonce’– You knew this one was coming. Beyonce is known for her record breaking music and her awesome hair. Her hair is extremely fierce. *Sigh* It’s just amazing!

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5. Taylor Swift– Well, you love her or you hate her. Taylor has record after record after record of ‘girl-power’ songs that make us want to sing along as loud and as obnoxiously as we can. Her lyrics stick with you and often cause you to hum them under your breath at the most random moments. Personally, I love her curly hair best because of the color and the type of curl. Who needs a fringe when you already have such fabulous hair?

So those are a few incredible curly haired ladies that would make any hair fanatic swoon. Do you have any hair crushes?

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

How to Fall in Love

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Well, dear reader, I have done it. I have finally found the solution to everyone’s ‘Forever Alone and stuffing our faces with carb-filled-foods’ problem. I have found the correct and never failing way to fall in love. It has taken a few years to properly situate all the data and facts but I believe I have done a marvelous job considering. Just follow these easy mutli-step steps and you will have it!

*wink*

Are you ready to know the secret?

*Pauses for dramatic affect and waits for the audience to get excited*

The secret is…

There are no steps.

That’s it. None.

Please allow me to explain. I have seen multitudes of people mindlessly enrolling in sappy dating sites, scrolling through the jumbled mess of knowledge we know as the ‘internet’ and memorizing all the self-help ‘wear this perfume, smile like this and say this when you are ready’ books that are supposed to make us find ‘the one.’

I used to be one of those sad people. I thought that since I am single, there is indeed something wrong with me so I must take it upon myself to increase my misery by trying to pinpoint my hideous differences and adapt myself to look like those strangely happy women on the eHarmony commercials. I used to read enough wikiHow lists to make your eyes cross and swear up and down that they were right. Do steps 1-7,398 and you will fall in love!

Yeah, looking back that wasn’t my brightest moment.

I was racing to find a mirage out in the middle of a very lonely desert. After reaching for all of these things I would follow them expecting a revelation of someone that was meant for me. (I mean it’s the internet for crying out loud. You are not supposed to lie on the internet!) Five trays of Oreos, one whole pie, several pity parties, a constant single status and loads of rants later, I discover the internet had indeed lied.

Who would have thought?

The thing about it is that we don’t need checklists to fall in love. It’s not some 1-2-3 repeat after me system. You can’t force it or get rid of it. It comes when it is ready and always keeps us wanting more. It’s nothing like what we see in the movies or in romance novels. There are no lightning bolts, singing angels or rays of sun illuminating through thick luscious hair. Love is something deeper than that.

Love means caring for another person so much that you would literally give up your life for them. It means that even though they are pretty weird and they mess up at times, you still accept them for who they are. It’s seeing the dark and the light simultaneously. It can be detrimental or rewarding depending on the circumstances. It’s a complicated thing that cannot fully be grasped or explained.

You don’t enter a relationship just to be in a relationship. (Kinda like what you did in middle school just to fit in…or to change your Facebook status and rub it into Kasey’s smug face.) Or because you think a relationship will magically make you feel happy and confident about yourself. You get in to a relationship because you actually care for that other person.

Someone not too long ago told me this little snippet of wisdom. “If you are not happy now, you will not be happy in a relationship. Happiness is a choice you must make for yourself.”

Once I got to thinking about it, the more it made sense. Girls especially tend to think that once they are in a relationship, all of their self-confidence issues will immediately be erased. The truth is, you have to learn to love and respect yourself before anyone else can.

Enjoyment of life should not depend on other people. Life is an amazing thing you only get once. Why spend time being miserable about something you don’t have at the moment? Things happen in their own good time and eventually it will all fall into place. You just have to be patient and let it happen.

So if you are having love/dating woes, do not fret, darling! Everything will work out soon enough. And also never forget that loving and respecting yourself will get you a long way in life. Just keep on living and be the best you can be! I mean look at you, you are fabulous and you look even better when you smile! Stay amazing.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo