(Die)ting Diary: The Struggle is Real

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So, no sugar huh? I got this. I will not be defeated! Play the Rocky Theme! It’s just one little candy bar. Look. It’s trying to lure me in. Pshh. Good luck, dude. I have a will of steel. There is nothing you can do to make me rip open your colorful wrapper and sink my teeth in your chocolaty goodness. Nice try though.

Wait, you have nougat. Wow. Nougat is great, especially when it’s paired with chocolate…Maybe…

NO!! You can’t make me! I refuse!

Well, I did run today…and I worked out extra long today…I think I may deserve it…

Wait, I know exactly what you’re doing! You’re trying to get in my head and break down my walls. Ha! What now? I foiled your little plot. We both know what will happen if I eat you. The next thing you know, I eat a whole box of you. Then comes the face breakouts and guilt trips. No sir. Not doing it.

What’s on TV? Okay. Just distract yourself. It’s TV. Nothing tempting here.

Great. Another commercial.

Wait…you! You’re on the TV!!! Wow, are you desperate.

Just look at you, exploding in a special effects manifesto. Rippling chocolate, rich nougat…Stop, Kate! Focus!

Okay, fine. Play dirty. I just won’t watch TV. I needed to practice guitar anyways.

Okay, how about this song. G chord, to C. Stay on the E minor.

Minor chords are so sad. Like a rainy day, or Mondays…or me without chocolate…

You know, one bite won’t hurt me. They say chocolate is good for you anyways. (Whoever “they” is.) It releases endorphins in your body. I am in desperate need of some endorphins…

Yeah, endorphins…

*Five minutes and six candy bars later.*

Why?!?

Don’t look at me like that.

Jerk.

Life’s too short for diets anyways.

I hope you aren’t having any dieting woes. Have a great day!

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

And…Cue Plot Twist!

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It is a crisp sunny morning. Breakfast has been devoured, clothes neat and pressed and your smile has never looked so great. The TV screen says no chance of rain and the birds are singing all of your favorite Broadway tunes. You drive off and turn on the radio. It’s your favorite song! You sing along zipping through traffic and waving at all the passersby. Life is great, until…

*Plot twist*

You get to your destination and the sky magically gets all upset right when you get out of your car. Oh no. You forgot your umbrella…and your car keys…inside your locked car. Great. A car rounds the curb and splashes your once-neat clothes with grey slush. This is going to be a doozy.

You met this guy in middle school. He’s everything you could ever want. He likes you and you like him. He buys you a stuffed bear for Valentine’s Day and a card with puppies on it for your birthday. You both start planning your futures together. The kids have been named, the house has perfect curtains and you even have a swimming pool. Picket fence? Check. Minivan? Check. Matching tennis uniforms? Check. He plans on becoming a doctor and you want to be a stay at home mom. You have the perfect relationship.

*Plot twist*

In high school, you finally realize how stupid he really was. (You can’t figure out which is lower, his pants or his I.Q.) He doesn’t really like the idea of being a doctor (or your boyfriend) anymore. Maybe a pro football player…with a blonde wife. Wait, you aren’t blonde… Thank goodness you dodged that bullet. It’s not like you ever think of Justin. Or was it Jason? Maybe Joe…

Ah, your first car. You really worked hard for that thing. Not a scratch after five years. You really have her looking good. It’s just been washed and waxed to perfection. Show room condition, she is. She really turns heads. You figure you should take her out for a little joy ride. After all, she is your pride and joy.

*Plot twist*

Bambi decides to haphazardly take a little trot across the highway. Well, the little trot results in a totaled car, crushed dreams, many nights of crying yourself to sleep and one messed up deer.

Plot twists. Gotta love them. They can be for your good or your total demise. Life is funny that way. But I guess if everything was predictable, things would get boring and no lessons would be learned. I suppose that is the whole point of a plot twist. Something that will sling you down into the nearest seat and really make you think about what is going on in your life.

Other twists result in interesting stories. Things that you will never forget until the day you die. (Also known as the Ultimate Plot Twist.) Let’s face it; no interesting story ever ends the way you expect with everything being happy and orderly. Unless it’s a Disney movie. Those are the only valid exceptions. Star Wars and Inception are great examples of plot twists. And let’s face it, if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be so awesome.

So if you are facing a plot twist, just think of it as a way to make interesting memories or learn something new. You can make almost anything positive if you try. Unless it’s jury duty. No one can make jury duty positive. Period.

Lots of Love,
Kate
xoxo

Best Frenemies Forever

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You know what I am talking about. Every girl has them. Frenemies. Only exhibited in the female humans, the frenemy has been showing her ugly man stealing head since the dawn of time. Frenemies are not necessarily made on purpose. They are the end result of a bad situation or betraying of trust in the world of womanhood. No matter how nice you may be, you can still develop a frenemy. Anything from telling secrets, backstabbing, lying and underhanded compliments can be grounds for the development of this horrible beast. That is enough to make you want to leap across a table and pull out earrings/claw eyes/maim facial features. (Face it, guys have sports rivalries and girls have frenemies.)

In this deep complex world, one must remember the rules to properly dealing with a frenemy. It always pays to play by the rules in these kinds of situations in order to dominate get along with others.

Rule #1: Do not openly admit your frenemiship in public.

It always pays to stay classy no matter how nasty your frenemy may be. I know she is the reason you constantly sing Miranda Lambert’s “I’m Just Like You Only Prettier” over and over in your head and the insides of your fists have permanent scarring. Just relax and try our hardest to take the high road. Once you admit you have problems with her to the world, she may use the “Oh! (Your name here), I had no idea you felt that way!” evasive maneuver, which just makes you look like an insensitive bully. She knows what she is doing. Most girls can smell out a frenemiship from a mile away. They know what’s going down and how nasty she is. Just don’t make yourself look like a ninny for pointing it out.

Just fake it till you make it, darling. Keep calm and stay classy. That and drive her insane by pretending that nothing is wrong and you couldn’t be happier with your life. (That will really rub some salt in her open wounded pride.)

Rule #2: Don’t stoop to her level.

You see, frenemies like to make everything a competition. Anything from boyfriends to cars to clothes to growing hair. (No joke, I have seen the growing hair situation with my own eyes. Very strange, I might add.) She casually brings it up to see your reaction.

“Oh, Kate! You will never guess what my boyfriend did for me for our monthaversary! He brought me to that cute little Italian restaurant and brought me the biggest flowers I have EVER seen!”

Okay play it cool. Just calmly respond.

“Wait, are you still single? Oh, this is awkward. Well I just know you will find someone that is as…unique as you!”

Oh. That’s cold. But that’s how they play. They fight dirty and speak dirtier. The more you play in their competition, the more unsatisfied with your life you will be. Just stay content and humble and remind yourself that you are the better person…and you have a prettier smile, better calves and killer cooking skills… Total package, right here.

Rule #3: Don’t spill your guts to your frenemy.

This is the oldest trick in the book. She pretends to be nice for a while and then sits you down, gets you in an emotional state and you sing like a canary. Suddenly, everything from your crush on that guy who works at the golf course to what you think of the new intern is open and at her disposal. The next thing you know, she suddenly takes an interest in golf, and lo and behold, guess who is teaching her all there is to know! Bingo. And suddenly the new intern starts giving you nasty glares and spills coffee all over the papers on your desk. She got you, bad. You didn’t even see it coming. She even sent you a get well card from when you were out last Tuesday! On top of that, she complimented your vintage blouse and shoes…wait, Regina George said the same thing in Mean Girls…except that girl was wearing a skirt.

Always remember to keep those thoughts and feelings inside unless you are talking to your mom or your shrink. They are the only two people in the world that know how weird you truly are and won’t divulge your secrets. (One because of doctor/patient confidentiality and the other for unconditional love.)

These are just three rules to abide by in the complex world of frenemies. I hope you don’t have too many frenemy issues! Best of luck. (You’re gonna need it.)

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

The Creative Process At It’s Finest

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Okay, what should I write about this time? It has to be interesting. Something people will actually want to read. People tend to not care for reading, you know. It reminds them of all the book reports they had to do in fifth grade. They watched the movie, you know.

Anyway, think Kate. What now. Focus.

This isn’t working. Five minutes have past and I still can’t think of a single thing to say. I know! I will look at Facebook and see if any of my friends can stimulate my creative thinking. Surely something will catch my attention.

Wow. Nothing. It’s the same old stuff. Oh look, her again. She posts like twenty six statuses every day. Why doesn’t she break it off with that guy anyways? Anyone can see he can’t look away from the mirror for more than a few seconds. Oh goody. The zombie apocalypse is coming…again. Thank heavens they have zombie proofed their basement and have taken the liberty of taking one hundred and thirty seven pictures of it. I hope zombies don’t have Facebook…

Grumpy cat meme.

Complaint status.

‘Like My Status’ status.

‘Top Ten Pretty Girls’ status. Really? This isn’t Miss America, dude.

Another Grumpy cat meme.

‘Ignore, Comment, Share or You Don’t Love Puppies’ picture. Gotta love those.

Another complaint status.

Selfie with hash tags…even though we are on Facebook. What a rebel.

Desperate ‘Baby Come Back To Me’ status.

Another Selfie.

Well, that was uneventful. Poo. Come on Kate, dig deep. What will make readers think about the meaning of life? Something that makes them shed happy tears and shake their fists with triumph. Something that will rock your generation to their core…

Wait, Dance Moms is on… maybe this post can wait… No! Must resist urge for mothers who cause constant chaos and are living their bitter lives through their flexible children.
That song is stuck in my head. Again.

Focus.

“Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I’m homebound. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!” That song makes me want to sing in a loud and obnoxious manner.

How old is that song? I’ll Google it.

Wow, that’s pretty old.

You know, I could always write a post tomorrow…

It’s not like someone is standing over my shoulder forcing me to write literary gold or anything.

Yeah, tomorrow sounds great.

I’m coming, Abby Lee!

I hope your writing ventures are easier than mine! Have a great day.

Lots of Love,
Kate
xoxo

My Daily Challenge

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Imagine a world with no kindness. A cold existence with no hope of warmth. A world where no one knows your name and frankly no one cares. No one asks how your day was or offers a hug or pat on the back when you feel like the bottom of your life has completely fell out. No one cares that you cry over your trials and they constantly burden your thoughts.

Sadly, there are people who live in this world. I want to help end it. I want my life to help someone else. Granted I cannot fix the problem all alone. I could barely scratch the surface. But that will not stop me from trying.

Every day I am challenging myself to compliment, smile at, wave at, talk to or encourage at least one person. If I can make one person feel good about themselves, I have done my job. This challenge probably sounds simple, but sometimes I tend to get overwhelmed in my daily activities and I forget that others even exist. I always seem to be looking out for good ole number one without any concern for my troubled neighbor. That breaks my heart. Kind words will be cherished and remembered for a lifetime. As Mark Twain said, “I can live two months on a good compliment.” The least I can do is smile and speak kind words to someone. No donations, gimmicks, and satisfaction is guaranteed. For the most part, speaking kind words feels better than receiving them.

I just hope that maybe I can affect someone’s day in a positive way. We are surrounded by negative, so anything positive, no matter how small can make people smile.

I hope you have a great day, and please don’t forget that you are amazing. Really. I mean that.

Loads of Love,
Kate
xoxo

No Method, Just Madness

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Here lately, I have been hearing different girls talk about the methods they use to attract a male’s attention. Some use a walk, smile, wink, stare etc. And of course, every red-blooded man-loving woman knows the classic “Bend and Snap” maneuver. Despite all of this, I must confess something. I have no method. Period. I am probably the most awkward “flirter” in the history of courtship. Being naturally shy and more of the observant type, I tend to pick guys from the sidelines instead of jumping right in a sea of people. I prefer to watch his actions, expressions and movements before I make any rash decisions. Even after close observation, I tend to over think things and stumble through the process. That’s what kills most of my ventures. I try to predict every miniscule detail instead of just going with the flow. By the time I finally talk to the guy, my voice gets smaller and my face gets redder. Let’s just say I know where every stitch in the top of my shoe is.

Knowing this, I have set a challenge up for myself. I want to improve my social skills and boost my confidence a bit. How will I do this? I’m still working on it. Don’t get me wrong, I was worse growing up. Some people didn’t even know I had the physical ability to talk. They would stare in shock as they watched my open my mouth and form words. The real stunning part was that sounds were actually being produced. Since I have taken speech and presentation classes, I have discovered that I can speak when I am nervous, just no guarantees if it will make sense.

And how on earth do girls do it? Some of them can just walk up to any guy and just enrapture them within five minutes. To be honest, I have always wanted Marilyn Monroe flirting abilities. She could make anyone melt just by giving them a slight smile and a look. Wouldn’t that be fantastic? Don’t get me wrong though, I love who I am, but I would like to improve. And let’s face it, when it came to attraction, Marilyn had it all.

Maybe you have a signature method for flirting. I would love to hear them! Stay awesome and flirt on.

Lots of Love,
Kate
xoxo

The Grass is Always Greener…Until You Add Fertilizer

Ever had one of those days when it seems that everybody has it better than you? She has better shoes, drives a better car, and has a cute boyfriend (and the bitter pity party continues.) Their grass seems so green and lush. Nothing seems to kill it out or make it fade into a crunchy brown.

But look on the bright side! You have green grass too! All you need is fertilizer. Yeah, you probably think I am completely off my rocker at this point. What I mean is that all you have to do is change your perspective. Just look at all the things you have going for you! You have a great sense of humor, and let’s face it, your smile lights up any drab room. You have supportive friends and family and a dog who adores the dirt you walk on. Maybe you have killer design sense, or a photographic memory or calves that are to die for. Just changing your perspective (a.k.a adding some fertilizer) makes you realize the potential in the situation.

Use those amazing aspects to create a better you! You have what it takes. All you have to do is apply what you already have! I see so many girls break themselves down just because they don’t look like someone they admire (or totally hate…yeah, it’s a girl thing.) This just isn’t fair. Don’t ever let someone steal your potential. Keep on being amazing you.

Just remember, add fertilizer. Stay amazing!

Lots of Love,

Kate

xoxo

Why So Serious?

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We have all heard it before.“Laughter is the best medicine.”

*Side effects may include and are not limited to aching sides and face, unexpected tears, loss of breath, light-headedness, loud (and possibly snorting) sounds from the mouth, sudden knee slapping, and strange facial abnormalities. Please do not operate heavy machinery.

Anyways, laughter helps make any situation better. On top of that, you don’t have to pay for this kind of medication. Finding the humor in everyday situations is a great way to pass time and keep a smile on your face.

And why on earth is it so hard to keep a straight face when something is meant to be serious? I mean, really! There MUST be an answer to that!

Granted, sometimes smiling and laughing is the last thing you want to do in a stressful situation. After all, you were late to class because you spilled your scalding coffee on your new pants and the bathroom was closed for cleaning, so you had to go to the one downstairs with the questionable lighting and occupants. On top of that, when you finally make it to your seat, you notice that the exam you thought was next week was moved to today. (Note to self, PLEASE read your emails every once and a while. Kay? Thanks.) Hey, how hard can this be, right? I mean, I fill out unadjusted trial balances in my sleep. Pshh. Bring it.

I used to throw pity parties for myself any time the slightest thing knocked me off my rocker. I have since grown into the new, improving Kate. The new Kate laughs at her mistakes and tries not to think that everyone and everything is out to get her. That was my problem. Poor me. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I was the curly headed, green eyed Eeyore that pooped on my own parade. What a shame. Such a waste! I’m so glad that I have learned that bad and embarrassing things don’t define you. They help you develop a sense of humor and positivity that you otherwise would have never had.

I’ll never forget the first day of my second semester. I managed to forget an umbrella and had to walk across campus in the pouring rain. (Now that takes talent!) Now the old Kate would have thrown her soaking wet fists to the sky and thought, “Why me?!” The new Kate was walking casually through the rain with a smile on her face and a slight giggle. I got some looks and pointing fingers, but that’s ok. By the time I reached the next building, I was drenched. I found the nearest bathroom and attempted to dry my hair under the hand dryer and almost gave myself a concussion in the process. I looked in the mirror at my interesting new look and started laughing. (Maybe now I am just insane…well, if that is the case, at least I am happy.)

Naturally, there will be people, things and situations that will try to break us, but you just have to keep on laughing and moving on. They say laughter lengthens your life, so the longer those people keep those smug faces, the less time you will have to deal with them! (Oh, that was a bit morbid…)

Keep on laughing and finding all the humor you can.

With Love and Laughter,

Kate

xoxo