You know what I am talking about. Every girl has them. Frenemies. Only exhibited in the female humans, the frenemy has been showing her ugly man stealing head since the dawn of time. Frenemies are not necessarily made on purpose. They are the end result of a bad situation or betraying of trust in the world of womanhood. No matter how nice you may be, you can still develop a frenemy. Anything from telling secrets, backstabbing, lying and underhanded compliments can be grounds for the development of this horrible beast. That is enough to make you want to leap across a table and pull out earrings/claw eyes/maim facial features. (Face it, guys have sports rivalries and girls have frenemies.)
In this deep complex world, one must remember the rules to properly dealing with a frenemy. It always pays to play by the rules in these kinds of situations in order to
dominate get along with others.
Rule #1: Do not openly admit your frenemiship in public.
It always pays to stay classy no matter how nasty your frenemy may be. I know she is the reason you constantly sing Miranda Lambert’s “I’m Just Like You Only Prettier” over and over in your head and the insides of your fists have permanent scarring. Just relax and try our hardest to take the high road. Once you admit you have problems with her to the world, she may use the “Oh! (Your name here), I had no idea you felt that way!” evasive maneuver, which just makes you look like an insensitive bully. She knows what she is doing. Most girls can smell out a frenemiship from a mile away. They know what’s going down and how nasty she is. Just don’t make yourself look like a ninny for pointing it out.
Just fake it till you make it, darling. Keep calm and stay classy. That and drive her insane by pretending that nothing is wrong and you couldn’t be happier with your life. (That will really rub some salt in her open wounded pride.)
Rule #2: Don’t stoop to her level.
You see, frenemies like to make everything a competition. Anything from boyfriends to cars to clothes to growing hair. (No joke, I have seen the growing hair situation with my own eyes. Very strange, I might add.) She casually brings it up to see your reaction.
“Oh, Kate! You will never guess what my boyfriend did for me for our monthaversary! He brought me to that cute little Italian restaurant and brought me the biggest flowers I have EVER seen!”
Okay play it cool. Just calmly respond.
“Wait, are you still single? Oh, this is awkward. Well I just know you will find someone that is as…unique as you!”
Oh. That’s cold. But that’s how they play. They fight dirty and speak dirtier. The more you play in their competition, the more unsatisfied with your life you will be. Just stay content and humble and remind yourself that you are the better person…and you have a prettier smile, better calves and killer cooking skills… Total package, right here.
Rule #3: Don’t spill your guts to your frenemy.
This is the oldest trick in the book. She pretends to be nice for a while and then sits you down, gets you in an emotional state and you sing like a canary. Suddenly, everything from your crush on that guy who works at the golf course to what you think of the new intern is open and at her disposal. The next thing you know, she suddenly takes an interest in golf, and lo and behold, guess who is teaching her all there is to know! Bingo. And suddenly the new intern starts giving you nasty glares and spills coffee all over the papers on your desk. She got you, bad. You didn’t even see it coming. She even sent you a get well card from when you were out last Tuesday! On top of that, she complimented your vintage blouse and shoes…wait, Regina George said the same thing in Mean Girls…except that girl was wearing a skirt.
Always remember to keep those thoughts and feelings inside unless you are talking to your mom or your shrink. They are the only two people in the world that know how weird you truly are and won’t divulge your secrets. (One because of doctor/patient confidentiality and the other for unconditional love.)
These are just three rules to abide by in the complex world of frenemies. I hope you don’t have too many frenemy issues! Best of luck. (You’re gonna need it.)
Loads of Love,